Dread and Hope among a million other feelings

Oh geez I don't want to do this again. I am all packed up and ready to go to Houston. Chris is napping right now and I am just enjoying my last few hours here at home. At least we wont be gone as long as we were gone last time. Should be a week or less . I am so thankful I have someone to watch my house and pets, that's a REAL relief. I am just dreading the drive and just doing this all over again.  I keep praying that when we get there the Doctors will say, "Mrs. Verzwyvelt we can't believe this but all the cancer is gone, its a Miracle, you can take your husband home now".... Wouldn't that be Awesome?  I know this is just the beginning of this fight but I am already so tired. I am so frustrated feeling  this mass of feelings that range from Anger to Sadness to Hope. I am scared honestly. I am scared that the chemo treatments wont work, I am scared that cancer will take the man I love, I am scared he will be in pain, I am scared that I don't know what the future will hold but I guess no one does and I have to quit worrying about it because I don't know. I keep saying to myself everything is going to be OK and I pray so hard till I can't pray anymore and that is all I can do. I have been reading my bible that my friend Mandi gave me  and I keep the prayer cloth that my cousin Shontell gave us on Chris at all times these things give me hope and comfort.
I am happy to say that one of Chris's tumors that is visible under the skin under is shoulder blade is visibly down at least by 60% I would say. I don't know if I ever blogged about that tumor but when Chris was in the hospital at Cabrini he had several Melanomas just pop up in the fatty layer of the skin a couple on his head, one on his neck, one under his shoulder blade and one on his side. I actually have a picture of 2 that they removed one from his neck and one from his head if you would like to see them. Its just a tiny bit gross but I will link the pics below.

Removing 2 small Melanomas for Biopsy

Normally the tissue from Melanomas are Gray or Black the lady who removed them said this was the first time ever she had seen them pink/fleshy colored.. I wonder if that is a good thing?

Chris having his neck Stitched back up

Anyways that's the news!  I feel better getting some feelings out on here. I just gotta suck it up and deal with and let God handle the rest.

Love you all.

xo
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