When will I ever wake up from this nightmare?

Well yesterday we found out if Chris loses anymore weight he will not be able to take his last treatment. The doctor told Chris that she didn't think Chris understood what a "miracle" this is, that this treatment hardly works for anyone. So it will be my #1 priority to fatten him up as much as I can when we get home. Ensure Ice Cream shakes.. butter.. cheese.. if its fattening its going into his mouth. I feel so especially bad for him this time around this has been the worst round of treatment for him. Stomach problems galore, throwing up, chills, fever, swelling,redness... the list goes on. It hurts my heart watching him so sick. I just can't explain the array of feelings that go through my mind constantly. Only if you have gone through this could you understand. Not to mention other worries that I have kept at bay in my mind like health insurance in the future, money in general, and once this is over with (crossing fingers) I am going to have to look into going into a new profession. I love being an Esthetician but it is generally contract work, no benefits, no steady paycheck. If I lived in a larger area I could find a salary job but really how many spas are there really in Winn parish surrounding area? Not too many. I have my makeup shop but its not enough to pay the bills, it might pay one bill!  Ugh I just feel so frustrated. Well sorry for all the moaning and groaning but I am allowed, its my life and my diary. Thank for putting up with me and please keep us in your prayers!
xo
k