Strength needed

So as usual I am feeling pretty depressed. I don't want to be here as Chris doesn't want to be here either. We arrived in Houston Monday night where we stayed at my cousins Laurette's apartment. The next morning at 6:00 am we were at the hospital for testing. He had Ct-Scans and Blood work to be done. Needless to say I passed out asleep in the waiting room and I am pretty sure I was snoring.  6am is hard to do after making a 5 hour drive and not getting but a couple of hours of sleep. The good thing about 6am is that you are pretty much done with everything by 10:00 am.  We didn't have to be at MD Anderson until 10:30 Wednesday morning. I decided to call a cab to pick us up that morning instead of parking`at the hospital. The cab drive will end up being 40.00 round trip and if we would have stayed in the parking garage here it would have ended up being 72.00 so at least we saved some dough. When we arrived to his Doctors appointment the first thing they do is take his blood pressure and weigh him. He is down to 166 pounds. Last visit he was at 178 pounds. I told you he was getting skinnier and skinnier. I hate it because he LOOKS like he has cancer now.  Well in the Doctors appointment they told him the small tumors in his left lung are now totally gone and the big one in his right is still shrinking, although she didn't say how much. They didn't take a scan of his sinus tumor because they took an MRI before he left last time and I have the results to that if you didn't see it's a couple of posts down.  Well during question and answer time we asked if this doesn't work (the biochemotherapy) are there more options? They went on to tell us of new clinical trials and whatnot and but said if the Biochemotherapy is working stick with it because its the only thing that can cure it. BUT then I learned when they say cure it they mean keep it at bay for  maybe 5 years.. 10 years if he's lucky. Melanoma is not curable. It will come back. But the only good thing about that is who knows what wonderful advancements they will have made in 5-10 years!?! And just like my friend Leah mentioned on a facebook post of mine, No one has an expiration date and God is still in control and still performs miracles.  Its still disheartening though. Especially when your husband turns to you and says I know I wont live to be an old man. We also had a long talk about children and unless it just happens we will not try to have them. I just don't think having one would be a good idea if their father has a chance of dying or being so sick again. It hurts my heart tremendously but its for the best. During the appointment they also took a biopsy of a very dark mole that had recently popped up on his back in the last month or so. Hopefully it won't be a melanoma. I can't imagine  a new one popping up during all this Chemo, that would be crazy. After his appointment we went down to admissions and waited what felt like an eternity for a room.  To bide our time we went to the cafeteria, we walked around a little, we visited the Hospital Library

Chris looking for some good Science Fiction

We ended up waiting almost 5 hours for a room. Ack!

Waiting Waiting Waiting

We  finally made it to our new room at around 6:00 that evening.  They didn't start Chris on chemo right away as they wanted to give him a blood transfusion first. I guess the blood shortage is gone at least here at MD Anderson. They started him on his fluids when he got to the room and at around 10:30 they decided to give him his Temadar since its one of his only chemo drugs in a pill form and just like last time we were here, he took it then threw it up.  *Sigh* that's the chemo that really helps his sinus tumor. At around 11:00 pm they finally started his blood transfusion.

They ended up giving him 2 units. He said it made him feel a little better and also he didn't feel as cold. So that's good. Thank you to whoever in the world donated that blood. He needed it! Well folks that's the story thus far. I know I have lots of gaps in my blog but sometimes there is not much to write about and sometimes I just don't want to think about the cancer so I ignore all things related to it.  I have alot of people that tell me how strong I am but really I am very far from it. I only deal with what has been given to me. I cry on the daily and I am scared outta of my mind. I try to be strong and I pray for strength but I don't feel it really. I just feel really sad and I worry about the future. I love you all so much and thank you for being here for me I have really learned who my true friends are through this whole situation and I will continue to put on my brave face and I will continue to pray for strength ,I will continue to pray for the very life of my husband and I will continue to appreciate all of you for your kind words, your prayers and for simply being here for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
xo
k