Friday, August 16, 2013

Aug 16th Update.

   So now that I'm actually feeling well enough to sit behind a keyboard and type a little I thought a blog update would be appropriate.

   The last 2-3 days I've been feeling well enough to spend more time out of bed than in it. Post surgery healing was alot of pain because my body just does'nt heal like it used to. Yesterday was the last day (hopefully) that I have to take any painkillers for it. I do still take pain medicine occasionally because the nerve damage from the first round of IL left me with some neuropathy in my feet, but I still only try to use it when I absolutely have to.

   I have a few weeks before I have to take another PET scan to see how effective the surgery was. The Dr. not being able to get 100 percent of the spinal cord tumor is what worries me. That's such a rare place for Melanoma to metastasize (38 people worldwide have been known to have Melanoma on their spinal cord like that) that I know they can't have much experience with it. So I'm going to have to do as much research as I can and really discuss with the doctor what he wants to do.

   One thing I've noticed since this whole ordeal began, is that death seems to be a really taboo subject in our day and age. Funny thing that I never really noticed how much I was guilty of it too, until I got sick with this damned disease. I think our society and culture tries its best to keep the thought of death at bay, that's one big reason youth is glorified and revered and nursing home residents are often shunned. Ancient people knew that death is just ultimately a part of life and that nothing ever truly dies. Today it seems too many people look at it as the end of life, but it's only the end of this earthly one. I believe that my true life is with my Creator. The "Great Architect" that put that divine spark in all of us humans when he created us. That divine spark is in us all and around us all. If you ever get a chance to go out in the woods and just get your body and mind still and quiet, you can see it all around you. I guess that's one reason sitting in a deer stand is so enjoyable to me, even when I don't kill anything. I guess rednecks practice meditation all the time and not even realize they're doing it!

   I'm still determined to not give up. It gives it power over you when you fear something, and I refuse to give Melanoma that kind of power over me. God wants us strong. God created us to be powerful beings, to be FEARLESS.  Jesus, Buddha, Ghandi, etc. All of the great teachers and wise men in history have one thing in common, they always tell their followers to not be afraid, that fear is the ultimate killer of the soul. I must say I agree with them. Courage actually IS being afraid. If you talk to a war veteran who has ever won a medal for a heroic battlefield deed of some sort, they will tell you that they were scared as hell the whole time. Courage is not feeling fear, it is feeling it and doing that which you are afraid of.

  Well, I know I went on a bit of a rant there, but I will definitely update here when i have more news.

   Take care everyone, God bless and thank you for reading.




1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You're a good person. I'm thinking that God already has a bunch of good people up there with him strolling along the spirit road, and living world needs more good people. So simply, I'm thinking God'll let you stick around here for a few more years because we need you more than he does! At least, if I were God, that's how I'd be thinking if I was choosing who's staying and who's going...
Nick (Peiper)